I don't know about you, but to this day I still find it hard to believe that God loves me still, even when I fight him. Yesterday was a good example of this. I wasn't feeling well and Zach had to go into work for a few hours and wasn't sure that he would be off in time to make it to church. I felt relieved because I didn't really feel like getting out of the house and sitting in a church service for an hour and a half. Little did I know, that was exactly what I needed to do.
Isn't it funny how God knows us better than we even know ourselves?
We ended up making it to the 12:00pm service, but I still didn't want to be there and Zach could tell. I had a terrible attitude, and I'm not one who hides her emotions very well.
After the worship songs, our pastor came out and started preaching. Now before I tell you what he spoke about, I want to tell you where I was at emotionally and mentally.
I have always struggled with finding my self-worth, even after I gave my life to Jesus. The times I have struggled the most were: when I held job that felt pointless, or when I had no job at all. It was hard for me to understand that I was still worthy, even though I didn't feel like I was "doing" anything that was helping anyone. This past year, my job brought me great fulfillment because I was able to help patients as well as use my brain and my skills for good. So naturally, after my last day on Friday, a wave of panic came over me as I felt satan start to attack my self-image. He told me that I was worthless again and that my life wasn't doing anyone any good. He also told me that I was not a worthy wife because I was no longer contributing to our family's income. Thankfully, God made me get up and listen to Pastor T speak, because what he said has honestly changed my life and the way I will always see myself from here on out.
This is what he said:
"Why sacrifice a role that is unique to you, for a job that someone else could do?"
Let's think about that for a minute. Right now I have two very unique roles; I am a wife to my husband and I am a mommy to my little girl. There is no one else in this entire world that can step in and be a wife to my husband. That is my role, my job, my responsibility, and my honor. If I don't assume the role of wife, my husband will have to go without a wife. I also have the extreme privilege of being a mommy to my little girl. There will never be another on this earth that will be her mommy, that is my job, and my blessing. How incredible to view life in this way?!
Now when I think about my position at work, I can breath easily. I know that my role there has already been filled and someone else is equally capable of doing the job that I was doing there, if not even doing it better than I ever could. No matter where you are in your career -- maybe you are the CEO or maybe you take orders in the drive-thru -- either way, that job will eventually be done by someone else who is equally as capable.
Careers are great, and money is a necessity, but we need to be more kingdom minded when it comes to our families. We need to ask God to help out with situations at work instead of putting in 80 hours a week at the expense of family time at home. When we are home, let's be home with our bodies and mind because that is what really matters in this life. 40 years from now, any position at any company we may be associated with, will be filled by someone else. You can never turn back time with your family and children, so soak those moments in and enjoy them while they are here presently.
So for now I will find my self-worth in Jesus, and I will feel worthy as a wife and a mother.
I hope that this was an encouragement for you if you also struggle with this type of thing.
Have a wonderful week!
Xoxo
Brandy
